Since I am new to blogging and potentially sharing my feelings with strangers I thought I’d make my first non-intro post something that wasn’t too deep or personal- specifically my feelings on facial hair. After my musical mania I believe the most important thing everyone should know about me is my feelings about hair men who grow upon their face. (I realize this makes me very pathetic and shallow, but what do I care what you think Random Google Searcher?).
My personal stance on facial hair is that as basic rule of thumb it is always a bad idea. I tolerate no scruffiness. However, as to every rule there is always an exception, even the rule that there is always an exception. Here is a list of the exceptions to those select times when forgoing a shave is not too awful:
1. You are Dumbledore, Gandalf, or Abraham Lincoln- I think this goes without saying.
2. You are a world dictator- Hitler and Stalin needed mustaches that upped their intimidation factor.
3. You like the fact that your goatee is more than mildly satanic- similar to Hitler and Stalin you need to intimate often and a goatee is something to be feared.
4. You have some reason to want to look homeless- a nice scruffy beard always benefits that image.
5. You are a recluse- if no one ever sees the offending hair then it is probably ok.
6. Your facial hair is fake- i.e. an adhesive mustache or funny looking glasses with pseudo-mustaches. These are fun and very acceptable. If you want to get creative and make a radical mustache I would suggest drawing it on clear scotch tape with sharpie and sticking it on your face. Then you can make it as outlandish as you want.
There is one type of facial hair that is never ok: the neck beard. It is wrong. Period. End of story. Shave it off.
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.
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