My main problem with yesterday’s list is not that they are pressuring me to date when I don’t want to, but that they are just pointing out all the time that, while I wish I had a boyfriend, I just don’t. This makes me sad and self-deprecating sometimes, but then I remember that when in doubt, blame all of your problems on others. It’s not that I’m not pretty or funny or smart, it is that boys are stupid, ugly, and humorless. Hence that is what I say when anyone asks if I like anyone, “boys suck”. It wins me lots of popularity points. I don’t suggest it. So instead here is a list of better answers:
1. “I reproduce through meiosis”
2. “Lower life forms do not interest me romantically”
3. “Other people scare me if they are too close”
Actually those probably won’t win you any cool points. But these might get people to shut up:
4. Cry- there is nothing better at shutting people up then a good cry
5. Giggle- they will assume you are hiding something
6. Wink suggestively- it throws people off. They will change the subject to avoid all the awkward.
7. “Did you know:” and insert random fact- again, they will be uncomfortable and change tactics.
Or maybe the best advice is to not take advice from me, or on personal matters, or things you read randomly off the internet, Google searcher. I will stop going on and on about this now.
The first person selected as the Time Magazine Man of the Year - Charles Lindbergh in 1927.
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