“Tale as Old as Time”

   It’s We’s Wedding Sunday. My shame is great in admitting that I am up at 10pm watching anything on We. To add to my great shame I am simultaneously watching 27 Dresses. What is the reason for my late night, wedding inspired guilty pleasure? It’s because I am a sad, lonely girl who wants to get married someday. Nothing new right? …OMG! That lady is getting married at Disney World! No time to explain my deep, psychological issues that lead me to a strange wedding obsession or the context behind my late-night endeavors (you probably don’t care anyway) all you need to know is that I am getting married at Disney World, no matter what it takes. Here’s what my wedding will be like:


1. As previously stated, it will be at Disney World, but not just anywhere. It has to be in Cinderella’s castle. It symbolizes to me dreams come and all the time spent dreaming about Prince Charming. It has to be there.


2. I want the perfect dress. I can’t seem to find the perfect one (mainly because I haven’t actually looked at real, tangible dresses), but I know what I want. Imagine the dress from Enchanted. Remember the huge, sparkly over-the-top, butterfly on the shoulder ball gown? That’s what I want. I don’t care that it will probably drown me in tulle and lace, or that it weighs upwards of 40 pounds. I don’t care that reasonably, I can’t have it. I can get one like it. I know I can. Maybe the sleeves would be a bit smaller, and maybe the train could be taken away so it would weigh less, but I will have that perfect dress. And I will make everyone tell me I’m beautiful even if I look like an idiot.


3. All of my friends have to be there. I’ve already gushed about how important my friends are in my life and I would never, ever go through an important day like my wedding without them. I still don’t want too large a wedding, so I’ll have to figure a way to have at least 6 bridesmaids without having more than 100 guests, but I’m hoping traveling to Florida with discourage my extended family.


   I’ll stop boring you with the details. It should suffice to say that there are more. Many more. I’ve been planning this for a long time. Maybe I should try to find someone to marry. That will be a long time in the future though. Perhaps sleep is more important now. Men will come. Hopefully.


The bride stands to the groom's left during a Christian ceremony, because in bygone days the groom needed his right hand free to fight off other suitors.

“I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”

    OF TERROR. While my lovely friend wrote an inspiring post bashing my most recent defense of Thanksgiving (Look! Hyperlink!)  , I was dreaming up a much more cynical article inspired by my new favorite website: Cracked.com. (omg! Another hyperlink! But be warned, it’s not family friendly.) So here are The Top 3 Lines from Christmas Songs that are Too Disturbing for Children:


3. “What’s in this drink”- Baby It’s cold Outside
Why is this “Christmas” song hinting so heavily at date rape? What does it have to do with Christmas? (Why am I still using too many rhetorical questions after my English teacher told me not too?) The rest of the song is only slightly scandalous, suggesting only a pair of unscrupulous lovers, but this line turns it into something much more nefarious.


2. “The sun was hot that day, so he said, let's run and we'll have some fun now before I melt away."- Frosty the Snowman
Children should not have to learn about mortality during Christmas. The song goes back to try and correct itself with “I'll be back again someday”, but that’s just feeding the poor, impressionable kiddies the wrong idea. If you’re going to talk about morbid things at least tell the truth. That snowman is not coming back. Interestingly enough, would an undead snowman be a ghost or a zombie? You ponder that while I hope that your Christmas spirit is not too zapped.


1. “He knows if you’ve been bad or good”- Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You knew this was going to come up. This song is the creepy Christmas anthem. But there is just something beyond “he sees you when you’re sleeping” creepy buried in here. That suggests a passive pervert, an old guy who watches kids at night, but knowing the children’s every action is something much more nefarious. It is round the clock following and observation. Who wants their children to live in constant fear of disturbed bearded men? They need to be prepared for the real world right?

Now that you feel the need to go throw ornaments at puppies, please enjoy this kitten

Also, a lovely Christmas song: Christmas Cancan

A small ornament of a Goat is a tradition Christmas decoration in Sweden

“We've got a Holiday that He Can’t Refuse”

   Oooh! Two posts in one day?! Yeah, I wrote the other one a long time ago (like a week) and just got around to posting today. Also, I realized I only had 2 posts for all of November and was filled with shame. So I am posting twice in one day.


   Thanksgiving was Thursday. You knew that. Now, tell me honestly: when did you start thinking about Christmas? Monday? Wednesday? Not until Friday? If you answered not until Friday I salute you. I saw way too many people, stores, cities, and TV commercials that were already at December 20th before I’d put away my Halloween costume. Whatever happened to Thanksgiving? It has now become my personal mission to raise this unloved and forgotten middle child of Halloween and Christmas up to its full glory. These are my ideas how:


1. Stop making people feel obligated to spend Thanksgiving with their families- I mean face it, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your relatives. Wait till Christmas to see them.


2. Re-image the Thanksgiving parade- It is way too Christmas oriented. We need more turkeys and pilgrims, less Santa. Speaking of Santa…


3. Make kids hate Santa- I mean, he watches them as they sleep and threatens to crush their happy, Christmas souls by not bringing them gifts if they are bad. Just admit that Santa is really Mommy or Daddy and stop making your children sit on pedo’s laps at the mall.


4. Create a nationwide Thanksgiving activity- Christmas has presents and 4th of July has fireworks, why can’t Thanksgiving have, I don’t know, relay races or ping pong ball fights?


5. Write Thanksgiving songs- make them catchy and about happy things like food and airports.


   See. Thanksgiving is sounding better already!


Thomas Jefferson thought the concept of Thanksgiving was “the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard.” (He would support my holiday spruce up)

“I’m Gonna Live Forever”

   So today is the last performance of FAME, thus ending my latest musical theater endeavor. It had a good run. We pulled it together at the last minute from a moderate disaster. That is the way I remember musicals being. Now there are 3 auditions coming up next week. Or the next few weeks, time does not matter in cyberspace. But the problem is that I can’t be in all 3 shows at the same time. (Maybe if I had a time turner, but even then…)


1. The first audition is for UIL One Act Play, directed Mr. H- In years past Mr. H has been the only director at school who has given me a part before. This makes me more hopeful about maybe making the OAP, but it is still extremely difficult. The show, Cinderella Waltz , sounds fun and has a few parts, but OAP is pretty elite. And, if I do manage to score a role I can’t do any other shows. I really don’t want to miss Bye Bye Birdie.


2. Yep. That’s the second audition, Bye Bye Birdie- It is the musical at FUMC and everyone makes it. This would be my 4th show there and I really love doing them. Musicals hold a special place in my heart and all my friends are doing. (And yes, if all my friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge I’d probably trust their judgment).


3. Mr. B, another director at school is also doing a play this semester (why?)- I’d also love to be in his show and I would still have time for a bit part in Bye Bye Birdie. I’ve already made up my mind here. If I don’t make OAP then I’ll try out for Mr. B’s show. (Not that I’ll probably make it since I’m not a senior, but it’s worth a shot.)


   It is all confusing and a bit boring for y’all to read, but then again, I’m pretty sure my most avid blog reader is myself. What do I care what you think Google Searcher?


The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. (Hahaha engineers)

“This is My Quest”

   I recently finished reading The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs. It was really a good book, funny and informative, all about Jacobs’ quest to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. This has inspired me to do two things: learn more and adopt my own quest. I have been doing well on both accounts.


1. Learning more- I actually learned a lot of interesting things from The Know-It-All. For example:


     a. The curious case of Prynne. An ancient Greek meritrix (Latin censoring) who made tons of money. Then she got arrested for blasphemy and put on trial. Things looked pretty bleak for her (the sentence was execution) so she flashed them. They acquitted her. I learned that boobs will make heterosexual males do anything.


     b. Nathaniel Hawthorne, author of The Scarlet Letter, my most recent required school reading book, wrote the number 64 compulsively on scraps of paper. Although interestingly enough, I found no mention of it in the actual book he is so famous for. They must have edited those parts outs.


    c. Queen Victoria’s bustle played “God Save the Queen” when she sat on it.


    d. In Medieval England they had an Abbot of Unreason in charge of all Christmas celebrations.


2. Adopting a quest- back last spring my school had a pop tab drive for the Ronald McDonald House. I don’t actually drink soda, but I ended up with a ton. Then I got addicted. Now I can’t stop. So I have now made it my quest to get 1 million pop tabs. It seems insane, but I’m going to do it. I have about 4,000 now. It’s a good start.


The CIA tried to assassinate Fidel Castro 634 times. (Yay Learning!)

“This is Halloween”

   Today is Halloween, my official favorite holiday! I am super excited. Tonight I am going trick-or-treating with my mom’s friend’s son. It is a tradition that my friends and I take him every year. I think he likes it because he (a fifth grader) gets to be followed around by a posse of high school girls. My favorite part of Halloween is the costumes. (I of course love the parties and candy too, but costumes are the best) I always look for what I am going to be the next year for Halloween while I’m trick-or-treating, and then promptly forget all about it until September the next year. This year nothing stuck out to me as my next costume, but that is ok because I had already compiled a list.


1. Snow White- I got a pattern for an adult sized Snow White costume the other day and am seriously considering being her next year. This is mostly because I am going to work at Disney World when I grow up and be her.


2. Lady Gaga- as I also aspire to grow up and be Lady Gaga, she is a serious contender in my next year costume race. Her outfits, however, may be too on the unscrupulous side for me to wear around children. To solve this problem I plan on having a Lady Gaga party on March 28th (her birthday).


3. Ballerina- I used to want to grow up and be a ballerina (I see a common theme here), but gave up on my dream when I realized I sucked a ballet. I still want to wear a tutu though.


   These are my main contenders for next year’s Halloween, but I am sure to change my mind a thousand times. I saw only one truly awesome costume whilst trick-or-treating tonight, Darth Vader Banana.


If a girl puts a sprig of rosemary herb and a silver sixpence under her pillow on Halloween night, she will see her future husband in a dream. (I would try this, but I have no idea where to get a silver sixpence. I will make it a quest and try next year)

“A Comedy Tonight”

   I used to hate history. Then I learned all the ridiculous things people in history have done. Now I find it amusing. For example, in Latin the other day we learned about the Roman Civil War. It was surprisingly interesting. I thought it was going to be super lame and all dates of battles but then I found out the real story. (Now you get to learn!)


1. The Roman Civil War was a legit gang war. Let that sink in. Ancient Rome, togas and all, fighting it out in true gansta’ style. Including hiding shanks in their togas and cutting each other at the Senate house. (No Google Searcher, I am not making this up).


2. The war was between Pompey, aka: Pompey the Great (I think he named himself this), The Boy Butcher, The Most Awesome person in Rome at the time, and Caesar, The Caesar and Power Hungry Mad G.


3. Pompey started his career as a straight up G and never stopped. He originally worked for the ruthless Sulla, where he earned his street creed by kidnapping and murdering Roman aristocrats (hence the name “Boy Butcher”). Then he decided that he would spend some time taking his army into battle and routinely stealing everyone else’s thunder. This included dominating not only the war in Spain, but the slave revolt, and owning the pirates.


4. In the first triumvirate Caesar was the low man on the totem pole, but got elected consul (big wig in Rome) with Bibulous (a total nub). No one liked him, unlike Pompey who everyone loved (despite his attraction to unadulterated violence).


5. Then the triumvirate fell apart when Julia (Caesar’s daughter and Pompey’s wife (creepy, yes), with whom he was madly in love (still a little creepy) dies. Caesar then throws a big boy tantrum and decides to take his army into Rome (a huge no no). When he crossed the Rubicon he officially declared civil war. Pompey and his homes then run like little girls to Greece. Caesar then pwns them and Pompey (who is still being a coward) takes off to hide in Egypt. There his head is chopped off by an eight year old king.


   I even drew a picture while doodling today in history (I know, but I was bored). Lookie at my art:

Emperor Claudius’ third wife was once said to have donned blond wigs, gilded her nipples, and entered a competition with a local prostitute to see who could go to bed with the most men in one night. Claudius had her executed.

“This is No Time to Economize”

   “Where do you get your clothes?” I always feel really good when people ask me that, like they look up to my fashion counsel. But the answer is mildly embarrassing. I get most (more than half probably) of my clothes at thrift stores. I will feel shame for this no longer though! As of right now I claim my right to buy the clothes other people don’t want any more for ridiculously low prices! In my support of these fine and thrifty establishments I am going to list all the reasons I like thrift stores.


1. They have really weird outdated clothes- I love looking at the super ugly stuff, like the dress made out curtains and the odd sailor dress and the polyester pants suits and laughing, but also wondering: who wore this? Not just who possibly ever had that poor of taste or friends that cruel, but what were they like? Was their whole closet like this or was it an impulse buy? Did they wear this atrocity often or only on special occasions? Why is it now in the thrift store? Makes me think.


2. Everything is cheap- this means my mother will let me buy some things she thinks are borderline ugly or costume-y, and I can buy a lot of things I plan on wearing for a short amount of time or rather rarely and I can buy these things often. Basically an excuse to shop often and buy a lot.


3. Tons of stuff to browse through- it’s the only store that isn’t supposed to be neat and well organized, so I can spend hours touching everything in there. (that sounds weird, but admit it, you also go through stores running your hand across all the clothes). Plus there are so many things that you and your friends can have a good laugh.


Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.

“And Once and for All I'd Get Momma Out Too”

   Yesterday my family got a Wii. (Actually we borrowed a Wii, but same difference). I thought this was going to be fun family thing. If only things in my family were that simple. Sure, we had a good time, but we also had to learn the hard lesson of the top 3 things not to do with a Wii.


1. Scream/laugh like a harpy- why would anyone do this? You’ll have to take that up with my mother. While she was playing a game involving racing cows (to her defense, it was pretty funny looking, I mean the Miis ride cows, but still…) she began shriek in a high pitched laugh/possessed demon shout. It was terrifying. My father losing it and laughing too did not ameliorate the ear-splitting cacophony. His low pitched evil scientist laugh just added to the din. All of my pets were freaking out, torn between running away and making sure we were alright. I’m pretty sure they are scarred now.


2. Forget to put your wrist strap thingy on- luckily, I caught my mother before she threw the Wiimote into the TV, but there was the potential for disaster.


3. Play with your parents- this is mainly because the only person who is worse than me at Wii is my mother and we should not ever be allowed to play together.


Revolvers cannot be silenced because of all the noisy gasses which escape the cylinder gap at the rear of the barrel.

“You are the One That I Want”

   Disclaimer: I shamelessly stole this from a friend. I did make minor modifications so it would be more like I made it up. It is called the Versus Debate. Here we go: (still confused, Google Searcher? Everything will become clear soon)


1. PC’s vs. mac’s- I am totally a PC. I hate mac’s. Love Apple, hate mac’s. Liked the mac commercials, still hate mac’s.


2. PB&J vs. ham and cheese- probably PB&J. It is a foolproof sandwich. (Remember that super old Disney channel show about the otters, Peanut, Butter, and Jelly? Why was one of them purple?)


3. Cake vs. cookies- cookies. All the way. Not hatin’ on cakes, but anyone who doesn’t love cookies has no soul.


4. Physics vs. Biology- biology by a long shot. I hate physics. Plus, I had a better biology teacher. And biology makes sense and physics doesn’t. (I honestly on put that question in so I could rant about physics a little. I really hate it; a lot).


5. Halloween or 4th of July- Halloween. Despite my love of 4th of July, with all its fireworks and presents, Halloween is probably my favorite holiday (after my birthday). Not only do I get to dress up and eat candy, there are parties. Specifically, I throw a party every year for Halloween. This is what I look forward to from September 1st onward. Costumes and parties are two of my favorite things, so at the risk of being burned at the stake, Halloween is my favorite holiday.


   Was that fun? Maybe? I liked it. (I don’t care about you Google Searcher). Hopefully I can post again in a much shorter amount of time. And have a real topic to talk about. Who knows?

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.

“I Love to Laugh”

   Have you ever thought about the way you laugh? Perhaps you spend a lot of time thinking about it, worrying you (could anything this terrible happen?) snort. Laughter can be creepy too, i.e. the evil, Wicked Witch of the West laugh, but most of the time it is happy. You know, colon capital d, lol, rainbows, and babies happy. There are many types of laughs:


1. The giggle crescendo- starts as a quiet hehe, but escalates into a fit of unsurpassable giggles that has you rolling on the floor.


2. Musical laugh- people whose laugh gets higher and lower, like they are practicing their scale instead of laughing.


3. Forced laugh- there are two kinds of forced laughter (lookie, another sub-list)


a. Sarcastic- you know what it is, mean, derisive (vocab superstar) laugh that is used to absolutely annihilate someone’s joke. Out of context it sounds super creepy.


b. Wizard of Oz- the “ha ha ha, ho ho ho, and a couple of tralalas” laugh. The joke is not funny, at all, but you want to be nice, not like the person in a.


4. Knee slapper- a real, genuine laugh that makes you convulse so hard that you you slap your knees. Occasionally, some will begin to clap like a seal.


5. Silent laugh- something is so funny that laughing out loud is not enough to convay your amusement. You silently shake, rocking back and forth like your having a seizure.


6. Squeak- I have been told that I have a squeaky laugh. Described as sounding like a cat dying, I can’t breathe when I laugh and make a terrible screeching noise gasping for air. It is similar to a highly amused harpy.


   So I hope you laugh soon. I also hope I can post again I soon.


The names of the two stone lions in front of the New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude.

“I Could Have Danced All Night”

   Be jealous. Why you ask? Because I got to see, not one, but two musicals this weekend, The Sound of Music and My Fair Lady. I have probably said it 7 times (or 10, or a thousand), but I will say it again: I love musicals. In fact, love seems the wrong word. Most people are love sluts. They love everything. What musicals and I have is deeper. (Google Searcher, please ignore the creepiness of that statement, you don’t know me). It all began before I can even remember; musicals were just a part of my life from the beginning. One that holds a special place in my heart is My Fair Lady. When my family moved (across town) in 6th grade that was the only CD I had to listen to. I was obsessed. After 6 months my dad bought me an mp3 player because if he had to listen to “all I want is a room somewhere” one more time he was going to go insane. So, on that note, I am going to make a list of all the reasons I love musicals, My Fair Lady especially.


1. Number one reason, the rest of these are in no particular order, but this one is absolutely my top reason- that feeling when the music swells in a song, normally it’s the finale, but sometimes it’s not, and the orchestra will get louder and the singing or dancing comes to a climax. It fills me up inside and makes me want to stand up get onstage with them. I don’t, I just sit up straighter and smile a lot, but I still leave the theater with a kid in a candy shop feeling.


2. After the show when everyone is humming and floating out the doors. 400 people might be fighting to get out to the parking lot, but they will do so humming “get me to the church on time”.


3. Dancing- sadly in My Fair Lady there is not that much dancing, but it is still exciting. In fact, the one thing that would make My Fair Lady better would be jazz hands.


4. Costumes- what it lacks in jazz hands My Fair Lady makes up for in splendid costumes. My favorites are the theatrical black and white dresses and outrageous hats. They just look so cool.


5. Time stands still- I am transported when I sit down. Time, place, problems don’t matter anymore. The magic of the theater will take care of everything. That’s another number one reason. How fitting, I started and ended with one.


A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

“Or at the High School Dance”

  So, last night was homecoming. I wanted to go really badly this year, so I did. It was super fun. This post is going to be super short because I have been so busy being social with real people, not invisible blog readers. (You, Google Searcher, are not going to hang with me this weekend). So to cut to the chase, here are all the reasons homecoming was awesome:


1. All my friends were there- it was like a party of just people I knew, because if I ran into someone I didn’t know (or particularly didn’t like) I could generally just ignore them because so many of my close friends were there.


2. I got to dance- in case you are for some reason unaware; I am a horrible dancer without choreography, and not really that great with it. But I love dancing. It is just fun to let go, but I can’t just jive down the hall, so it is great to have a chance to jam.


3. I get to dress up all fancy and do my hair- some people really hate spending 3 or 4 hours on their hair, nails, and make-up, but I love it. It is probably part of my girly girl dress addiction.


4. I now know what all the hype is about- I hate being left out of things, so I was very happy to be included in the festivities this year, even if I was dateless.


   All in all, it was a great night and I am already looking forward to next year. In fact, I had so much fun I really want to host a group at my house, if my parents will let me.


Henry Ford produced the model T only in black because the black paint available at the time was the fastest to dry.

“It's a Very Big Undertaking”

   I have been bad about posting. Thus I hang my head in shame. I had to wait until I found something happy to post about. Never fear. I found it. What could I possibly be happy about? The answer is Girl Scouts. I am trying to achieve my Gold Award in one year. (Actually, a little more than a year, but I’m very glad about that.) And I am well on my way to actually managing that. This helps a lot with my burdensome feeling of failure. So in celebration of that I have made a list of why I love Girl Scouts.


1. The Girls- all of the girls in my troop (all 6 of us, now 5 :( ) are my friends. Some of my best friends really. We have a blast doing whatever. The only thing that is consistently accomplished at every meeting is laughter. Sometimes I think we are truly crazy, but I don’t care.


2. Feeling of success- most of what Girl Scouts has become as I’ve gotten older is service. Personally I love service projects; they give me that warm fuzzy feeling. Plus, planning and implementing them bolsters my ego enormously. I really feel accomplished. And I help people. It’s a win win.


3. Looks good- it’s the first reason I hear anymore as to why I should do anything: it looks good for college. Honestly, I don’t care, but it subdues everyone who thinks it takes up too much time.


4. There are few shortcomings- only ones I can think of: (ohh! A sub-list)


      a. Time consuming- the gold award takes a minimum of 140 hours of work and at least a year


       b. I can’t meet boys there- this is kind of an obvious flaw since it is Girl Scouts. However, it is still something lacking.


   In short, I love Girl Scouts and am going to finish my Gold Award. I’ll keep you posted. Hope you had a great holiday weekend. This post is short because school is tomorrow. (I know you really don’t care Google Searcher, but you might.)


There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

“My Story is Much too Sad to be Told”

    Today I’m just going to write, because I should be writing an English paper, but have writer’s block. Hey, English papers are part of everything, right? I’ve been snapping at my parents a lot lately. Every day when I come home from school I tell them all about my day, and then they drill me on how it went and what I’m feeling. For some reason that really makes me angry. All day at school I feel fine. Come 4:30 though and I turn irritable and touchy. What’s wrong with me? (Blogging is my free therapy, don’t judge). Here is a list of all the things that didn’t bother me at school, but are now driving me up a wall:


1. My watch- I wore it all day at school, not even caring that it was five to seven minutes fast. All I wanted was a black fashion accessory. I come home, sit down at my computer, start the previously mentioned English essay, and then I hear a noise. Tick tick tic. For a whole five minutes I can’t concentrate because all I can listen to or think about is my watch making that noise on my wrist. So I took it off. I sat it next to my computer. Tick tick tick. I moved it farther away. Tick tick tick. Resisting the urge to throw it across the room I get up and put it on a book shelf. The noise stops. Now I wonder why I cared so much.


2. My health- at school I felt perfectly healthy, now I just want to lie down and nap because I feel icky. Maybe because my house is so ridiculously warm and school is so cold.


3. English essay- I did not think it would take this long at all. Now I just want to get it over with. Normally I am not so angry about English essays, but I am apparently having a huge pity party.


   With that realization I am abruptly ending my post. Sorry to have been so boring and self-centered. It did make me feel better though. Expect something funny and happy next time.


Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

“I Want to be a Part of it, New York New York”

   Quick. First thing that comes to mind when I say the word future. For me it is image in the movie Legally Blonde when Elle is moving to Harvard. Grassy lawns, buff guys, brownstone, fall trees, the quintessential college life; because my future right now is all about college. It is the huge, looming first step on the winding path of adult life. But what do I want from the collegiate experience? Easy.


1. Go to NYU


2. Major in theater


3. Work at Disney World as Snow White


4. Fall in love and marry a charming rich man


5. Travel the world with him and act on the side


   As this is an impractical life plan I have started to form a new plan. On that is realistic and achievable, but I still refuse to settle for something that isn’t at least a little fantastic. So now I am left with this:


1. Still go to NYU, even if it is only for my masters


2. Still work at Disney World as Snow White


3. Major in marketing management with international marketing kind of thrown in


4. Study abroad for a semester


5. Graduate and work in New York


   All of these plans are up in the air right now, and subject to change in the future. I only know one thing about my future for certain: I want to live in New York. A lot of the people in my life think I’m joking when I say this. Trust me, I’m not. They don’t understand why anyone would want to live there all the time. To help the disbelievers understand I have made a list (You’re just going to have a heart attack and die from that surprise right?)


1. Broadway- even though my revised life plan does not mention acting that does not mean that I have really eliminated it. Even if I managed to realize that being an actress is not my calling I still want to act as a hobby. Where better to see and be in plays and musicals than Broadway?


2. City life- while others look forward to greener pastures I dream of city streets. Living in an apartment and riding the subway are things that I think I would like. If I need a nature fix there’s always Central Park.


3. Diverse people- the people in New York are weird like me.


4. Lots of things to do- my ADD like tendencies make this a wonderful thing; if I get bored with something I can just move on to the next thing. With everything there is to see and do in the Big Apple I’ll never be bored.


   That’s not every reason why I love New York. My connection with the city is hard to put into words, but it should help those who are so confused. I hope they come visit me.


   Man, that post was really long. Too long? Too many lists? Let me know.


New Yorkers travel an average of 40 minutes to work each day.

“No One Saying Stop That”

   This is the last post in my friend series. I hope all of my friends; even the ones not listed know how much I love them. So here it goes:


1. Will do all kinds of crazy stuff with me- when I want to do something certifiably insane, she is the first (and probably only) one of my friends who is willing to let me entertain the idea. Everyone needs a partner in crime.


2. Hysterical- everyone of my friends are funny, but she earns the title of funniest. She can make a joke about anything. Nuns probably laugh at her jokes (some of the G rated ones anyway).


3. Super talented artist- she is so good I tore off one of the doodles she put on a paper she graded to keep. Someday it will be worth millions. Her art skills also mean that she gives great birthday/Christmas cards and handmade presents.


4. Likes the same things I like- despite this being kind of a requirement for people to be friends, not everyone is willing to be a total fangirl with me. I appreciate someone to squeal with.


   I have more things I want to say about all of my friends and so many stories to tell about them and so many I didn’t get to mention, but no room. Perhaps I will revisit this series. Till then this will have to do.


Nobody knows who built the Taj Mahal. The names of the architects, masons, and designers that have come down to us have all proved to be latter-day inventions, and there is no evidence to indicate who the real creators were.

“You’re the Part of Me that Makes Me Better”

   Today I promise my post will be longer because I am going to write about two of my friends. They are not twins like Fred and George, they just are both really good friends of mine. Here is the first one:


1. She is so nice seeing her upset makes villains grovel- being angry or hateful are foreign emotions to her.


2. She gossips with me too- need that in not one, but all my friends. She is an especially good gossip because of her nice girl image. People tell her everything, thinking she is too polite to tell anyone. They are wrong. She then tells me all that others have told her. Making it my business to know is much easier with her around.


3. Really smart- this helps me a lot with homework. Plus, who wants to spend all their time with stupid people. Even though she is book smart she has no common sense, but naiveté improves the group dynamic. She keeps everyone appropriate, clean, and polite to each other.


4. She has been my BFFL since first grade- I can tell her absolutely everything and she can always tell what I’m trying to say. Even when my brain is muddled.


5. Always knows just what to say- if I’m happy or crying I can always count on her.


   Now for my other BFFL, really she’s not. She is more like my BFFAE. (Best friend forever and ever, Google Searcher, since she already knows what it means). I’ll get right to her list:


1. As BFFAE’s we have magic telepathic powers- this comes from me telling her absolutely everything too. In fact sometimes I tell her things I don’t tell friend number one, because she empathizes more with more problems. Like wishing I had a boyfriend or wondering what to wear or worrying about auditions. This is what promotes us to telepathic levels. Muddled brain and all.


2. Another friend that gossips with me- I always need more. Plus each friend has special gossiping talents. They share gossip or listen for hours. My BFFAE will analyze and go over and over each new fact a hundred times, whether it is who is dating who or what happened in the latest episode of Big Bang Theory.


3. We like almost all the same things- from Harry Potter to Disney Princesses and Batman it almost never fails that if one of us finds a new obsession the other falls in love with it.


4. Always knows just what to say- if I’m happy or crying I can always count on her.


   This is only the minimum on all my friends. They have many more wonderful qualities. They do have bad qualities too, but we are amici anyway. If I had any siblings they would not be as much fun. There will for sure be one more post in this series. Look forward to it.


Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.

“Take You Wonder by Wonder”

   This is the beginning of what I hope to be a multiple post entry about my friends. With summer ending and insanely busy schedules coming back with a vengeance I want to take some time to appreciate my friends, their good qualities and their bad ones, before they slip away. I also really needed something to write about, so don’t start thinking I have actual emotions. Heartless as ever I will not be mushy. I will also not reveal the names of my friends. They have to guess too. An extra hint is that the title of their post will be from a song they like. So here is a list describing one of them:


1. Gives me rides- she is super awesome and takes me everywhere. Like to school and rehearsal.


2. Super chill- even when everyone else is freaking out and spazing she can be calm. She also is a mediator who keeps the peace with an “I don’t take crap” attitude.


3. Brings me food- this is a wonderful trait in a friend.


4. Gossips with me- I am a huge gossip. I need friends who relish in that.


6. She's in musicals with me- anything more need be said?


5. Takes no crap- just reiterating that.


   I was going to put bad things, but they are too hard to think of. So I’m making these a list of only good, fantastic things. Another short post, but at least there is one. Look for a new friend tomorrow.


The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million.

“Somehow I’ll Make a Man Out of You”

   Guess what… I’m going to talk about boys again, but I’ll hopefully be much more concise. The main reasons I am thinking about boys way too much for a normal person is that my frienemy Homecoming is coming up in three weeks. Can you believe that? I have three weeks to try and find a date (in case you were unclear how all of that before stuff about boys connected). So I have made a list of boys I know. (Names have been generalized to protect my sanity in case it is true that up to three people might actually read this). Let’s play find me a date, shall we?


Bachelor #1. My guy friends’ friends- (this is more than one boy, I just don’t know them well enough to separate them) All of my guy friends seem to be dating someone all of the sudden, so I defiantly can’t even friend date them (just going to the dance as friends, not really dating). This leaves me their friends who are boys. Except my guy friends have mainly girl friends, and their friends that do happen to have a y chromosome are geeks. Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with geeks, we just don’t have very much in common normally.


Bachelor #2. This one boy in some of my classes or his friend- I’ve know them as acquaintances for a while (i.e: we went to school together before high school) but I’m pretty sure they don’t really want to date me. This is mainly because they are cool. Not like in the “in” crowd (even though they are) but just intangibly cool. Like rock stars. I am just a puny mortal. I realize I have no chance.


Bachelor #3. A boy my friends know that I have no met, but who is also apparently lonely- I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me, but maybe we could friend date. I’ve heard nice things about him and we share some interest. However, this is not what I’d call a sure thing. Really it’s a prayer that he is just as desperate for a date as I am and doesn’t care who I am.


   Well, my prospects look bleak. Maybe someone will surprise me. Perhaps I will meet a nice Christian boy in the Bible study I am joining. Others have. I will keep my fingers crossed.


The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

“Why, nobody will oppose!”

   So a lot of blogs are about things people really like or really hate, but if I’m going to talk about everything I am going to need a system to rank the things that are in the middle. Today at lunch I was inspired by a friend. (Almost all of my ideas are stolen, so get used to it Google Searcher)So in order to test her system today I will blog about bananas. Unfortunately, it will have to be a short one. Here is my step process to determining how much I like bananas.


1. (This is the bottom of the scale) if I had to choose between bananas and running a marathon; I would choose bananas.


2. If I had to choose between bananas and being stung by a bee; I would choose bananas.


3. If I had to choose between bananas and spending an hour with my worst enemy; I would choose bananas.


4. If I had to choose between bananas and blueberries; I would choose bananas. (just barely though)


5. If I had to choose between bananas and spending an hour with someone I don’t know; I would choose an hour with someone I don’t know.


6. If I had to choose between bananas and a sandwich; I would choose a sandwich.


7. If I had to choose between bananas and clothes shopping; I would choose clothes shopping.


8. If I had to choose between bananas and going to a musical; I would choose a musical.


9. If I had to choose between bananas and petting a kitten; I would choose a kitten.


10. If I had to choose between bananas and singing a duet with Neil Patrick Harris; I would choose Neil Patrick Harris, hands down.


   Bananas has earned a 5. I feel completely indifferently to them. School started today (if you were unaware) which is why this blog is so short. Just be prepared that this less frequent blogging and shorter posts are going to become the norm. I know you are heartbroken Google Searcher. You’ll live.


Odontophobia is the fear of teeth

“Think Invisible Ink! Or a Gink With a Stink!”

   The other day my friends and I went to the zoo. I used to go to there all the time, but I hadn’t been in awhile. In fact, it had been so long since I had been I had forgotten how much fun it was. When we first got there all of us were running around like little kids because we were so keyed up to be there. There was so much to see. Strangely it reminded me of Mean Girls, where she sees everyone behaving like animals and compares high school to a jungle. With the first day of school breathing down everyone’s neck I have started to think about what it is going to be like. Then, like in all critical moments in life, Mean Girls came to the rescue. So I’m starting a new school year with a fresh perspective. Here’s a list of the wildlife I might encounter in high school.


1. Super friendly chimpanzees- those kids you meet that are everyone’s friend. They are usually in a class with you and you’ll chat with them and be their facebook friend until you forget who they are and delete them or they get lost amongst your 1,000 other friends. Perhaps this cordial acquaintance will blossom into a real friendship and the two of you will hang out all the time, or maybe you will eat lunch together and be glad you met them.


2. Stick their nose in everything giraffes- they are nice with everyone in order to know the whole scoop. They are probably your facebook friend too because you need to talk to them about a group project, but you may not pay too much attention what’s going on in their lives. They too get lost among too many online friends. You avoid sharing personal details with them, and they always want to know your grades, much as you avoid feeding fingers to real giraffes.


3. Mean spirited ostriches- they bite, smell, and spit; avoid at all costs. Once you get one of them infuriated they refuse to leave you alone. They hold grudges for extended periods of time and will chase you around cherishing any blunder they can watch you make, and setting you up for as much failure as possible. Just stay far away.


4. Jokester parrots- there are two kinds: attention seeking and funny participator. Attention seekers get annoying quickly as they disrupt class and anger the teacher, but funny participators help move along the discussion with witty comments. Both have their supporters and those who dislike them. The traditionalist tigers almost never like them.


5. Traditionalist tigers- want everything to work out all neat and tidy. The lesson of life isn’t fair seems to not apply to them in the high school jungle. If things don’t go just so they freak. Can be tame or wild. Proceed with caution.


   These are some examples of wildlife in high school. These are only the common types, more rare and exotic kinds exist, and maybe I’ll cover them later. But for now this Mean Girls moment will have to help with the first week of school.


The word “nerd” was first used in Dr. Susses’ If I Ran the Zoo.

“Because You Both Have Such Great Tastes in Clothes”

Warning: this post contains much gushing over hot men that I will never have. If you are opposed to this go away.


   I have been watching White Collar since episode one, which isn’t that long, as it is only in season two. Why do I watch it so devotedly?, you ask. Not for the interesting plot lines or the dynamic characters, if that’s what you think. My reason is much shallower than that. I watch White Collar for one reason and one reason only: Matt Bomer. He is the definition of delicious, all hot guys wither in comparison (maybe not all, but a huge majority) . In case you do not understand I have made a list. A list of why he is a Roman god of beauty:


1. On the show he plays Neil Cafery, a con man turned F.B.I. consultant who dresses in nothing but classy suits and tasteful shirts. His fashionable style is a huge bonus.


2. He has gorgeous, sparkly blue eyes. They accentuate is attractiveness.


3. His mad skills with a fedora, which he wears often on the show. He can flip it around and spin it in all kinds of cool ways.


4. I can school girl crush on him all I want, because Neil Cafery is fictional and Matt Bomer is gay. This makes me sad, but prevents any heartbreak on my end.


   These are the reasons I watch White Collar. I know, Google Searcher, I have no shame, but you have to at least give me that I am honest. And USA network has repaid my fandom: last episode there was an entire scene where Neil/Matt was shirtless. I was happy.


The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

“Don’t Change that Channel”

   Actually, do, quickly. Yesterday I came home and my mother admitted to me that while I was gone she had watched Bridezillas. She said that she thought how bad can it be? and found that it was, truly, unbearably, awful. If only I had been there, I could have warned her. I have no problem with a lot of reality shows; however, there are certain shows which should be avoided at all costs. To prevent anyone I care about (I really do love you Google Searcher) from making the possibly scaring decision to watch one of them in the future I have made this informative list.


1. Bridezillas- I love weddings and most wedding shows are my guilty pleasure, but this one is terrible. There are some things that are really too awful to put on television.


2. Anything with the word Jersey in it- including, but not limited to: Jersey Shore, the trashiest show currently on television, possibly ever; Jerseylisous, Jersey plus –lisous should put up many red flags that scream “this will suck”; Real Housewives of New Jersey, any Real Housewives show actually, but especially this one.


3. Shows following famous people around -they expect me to care that a celebrity I don’t know (Kendra) or is famous for nothing (Kardashians) fights with their family and goes grocery shopping. No thank you.


4. Shows about pregnancy- this one is probably because I don’t like children or babies, why do I want to listen to them scream on Baby Story, or hear horror stories on I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant, or think about myself or friends getting pregnant on 16 and Pregnant.


5. Anything with the word Bachelor in it- this show, whichever one it is, is for skanks who don’t want to date normally. Really, any dating show is a bad idea.


6. Shows about people with too many children- again I don’t like kids, so I find these especially terrible and the parents are always deplorable. Example: Kate Plus Eight.


   In general just don’t watch shows with desperate people and tread warily with reality TV. This public service announcement was brought to you by MyNameRhymes.


You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

"One's Life Improves from A to Z"

   I wish I was Lady Gaga. I know that wishing my life was different in any way is rather unhealthy, but I do. There are many reasons my life would be easier. I think I’ll just make a list.


1. If I were Lady Gaga then I could do whatever crazy things I wanted to and still be thought of as cool. People would just say, “well she’s lady Gaga” and think nothing of it. Like being old on not.


2. I could have awesome, insane hairdos that people would envy.


3. Lady Gaga makes tons of money off performing in front of millions of people. How cool is that?


4. I could jet around the world for my international concert tour, taking in the sights.


5. I would have the best clothes for all the publicity appearances and award ceremonies because, since I was Lady Gaga and expected to be weird, I could dress however I wanted, including a cocktail dress made of ties.


6. I saved the best for last: I could stomp around like a dinosaur every day. This would be the highlight of my day literally every day.


   This would be why life would be better as Lady Gaga. It is an undeniable fact. I am not Lady Gaga, and I am ok with that. Maybe I’ll just channel my inner Gaga sometimes.


There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people.