“I Know too Well that I’m Just Wasting Precious Time”

   In school, I wonder all the time where I am going to use anything I’m learning. Why is this important? Is my future really going to depend on two-dimensional kinematics or box-and-whisker plots? Fact: it’s not. But then I feel less motivated to study. So I have come up with reasons for my friends and me to study, even the stupid, useless things. (box-and-whisker plots, I’m talking to you)


1. Will this be a Jeopardy question? That is my main question I ask myself if I am wondering where I will use this. As a avid Jeopardy watcher I hope to someday be on the show and win lots of money, so yes, I will need to know those things, no matter how useless they seem.


2. Someday getting to be the boss of all the plebs that annoy me- this is more for my friends, who have to constantly do the work of 3 people because of terrible project groups. I told my friend the other day to not worry, someday he will be their boss and can flaunt his 6 figure salary to them. Needless to say, he felt much better. He told me he was going to record my infinite wisdom and listen to it to motivate him.(not in exactly those words, but pretty close. I am a wise and sage guru).


3. Do I have anything better to do? This one is really kind of a last resort. I normally do, but I have to at least sit in class that day, so that’s good (ish).


    Now my finals are over and I have a whole weekend to myself. No school for 3 days. And I have sold 122 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. (Sorry I'm so random).
On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun.

“I Feel It's My Duty to Tell You It's Time to Adjust to Your Age”

   On the radio the other day I heard an ad for a senior citizen class on how to “use email and copy and paste text into a word document”. Seriously? I know not everyone is good at technology, but copying and pasting into a word document? They need a class for that? I know it may have taken my grandparents a month to figure out how to change the font on an email, but they did. I think everyone now-a-days is player hating on senior citizens and technology. They could use it if we let them, but no, all of the hooligans today just assume that anyone over 50 is baffled by the idea of anything more advanced than a typewriter. This is just one example of how the man is keeping old people down. So I say down with these old person stereotypes!


1. Old people can’t use technology- just because old people didn’t have a computer class in elementary school doesn’t mean they can’t learn now. Most just don’t want to. They kept down by everyone telling them they need the jitterbug for emergencies and should stick to snail mail and telegraphs for communication. No one gives them a chance.


2. Old people are resistant to all change- this is so not true. Aren’t old people so happy when they have a grandchild? Haven’t you met the ‘cool’ old people who keep up with all the latest trends? Sure they are super creepy and make everyone feel awkward, but they aren’t resisting change. Maybe if young person trends weren’t so new-fangled and strange, if they were more accessible to the older crowd they would be less resistant.


3. Old people are always cranky- old people are only cranky most of the time. And that’s not their fault. You will be cranky too when you’re 80 and sore all the time. All that society expects from them is to die. It makes them upset.


   So give those elders in your life some slack. Life is hard when you are always stereotyped and achy. And when you get old, stick it to the man. The general public expects nothing from you. Normal social consequences don’t apply. Go crazy! Be a kid again! Do what you have always wanted to do, like throw popcorn at people in movie theaters! Live it up.


Jeanne Calment, a French woman lived to be 122 years old. She is the oldest person to ever live.