“Tale as Old as Time”

   It’s We’s Wedding Sunday. My shame is great in admitting that I am up at 10pm watching anything on We. To add to my great shame I am simultaneously watching 27 Dresses. What is the reason for my late night, wedding inspired guilty pleasure? It’s because I am a sad, lonely girl who wants to get married someday. Nothing new right? …OMG! That lady is getting married at Disney World! No time to explain my deep, psychological issues that lead me to a strange wedding obsession or the context behind my late-night endeavors (you probably don’t care anyway) all you need to know is that I am getting married at Disney World, no matter what it takes. Here’s what my wedding will be like:


1. As previously stated, it will be at Disney World, but not just anywhere. It has to be in Cinderella’s castle. It symbolizes to me dreams come and all the time spent dreaming about Prince Charming. It has to be there.


2. I want the perfect dress. I can’t seem to find the perfect one (mainly because I haven’t actually looked at real, tangible dresses), but I know what I want. Imagine the dress from Enchanted. Remember the huge, sparkly over-the-top, butterfly on the shoulder ball gown? That’s what I want. I don’t care that it will probably drown me in tulle and lace, or that it weighs upwards of 40 pounds. I don’t care that reasonably, I can’t have it. I can get one like it. I know I can. Maybe the sleeves would be a bit smaller, and maybe the train could be taken away so it would weigh less, but I will have that perfect dress. And I will make everyone tell me I’m beautiful even if I look like an idiot.


3. All of my friends have to be there. I’ve already gushed about how important my friends are in my life and I would never, ever go through an important day like my wedding without them. I still don’t want too large a wedding, so I’ll have to figure a way to have at least 6 bridesmaids without having more than 100 guests, but I’m hoping traveling to Florida with discourage my extended family.


   I’ll stop boring you with the details. It should suffice to say that there are more. Many more. I’ve been planning this for a long time. Maybe I should try to find someone to marry. That will be a long time in the future though. Perhaps sleep is more important now. Men will come. Hopefully.


The bride stands to the groom's left during a Christian ceremony, because in bygone days the groom needed his right hand free to fight off other suitors.

“I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”

    OF TERROR. While my lovely friend wrote an inspiring post bashing my most recent defense of Thanksgiving (Look! Hyperlink!)  , I was dreaming up a much more cynical article inspired by my new favorite website: Cracked.com. (omg! Another hyperlink! But be warned, it’s not family friendly.) So here are The Top 3 Lines from Christmas Songs that are Too Disturbing for Children:


3. “What’s in this drink”- Baby It’s cold Outside
Why is this “Christmas” song hinting so heavily at date rape? What does it have to do with Christmas? (Why am I still using too many rhetorical questions after my English teacher told me not too?) The rest of the song is only slightly scandalous, suggesting only a pair of unscrupulous lovers, but this line turns it into something much more nefarious.


2. “The sun was hot that day, so he said, let's run and we'll have some fun now before I melt away."- Frosty the Snowman
Children should not have to learn about mortality during Christmas. The song goes back to try and correct itself with “I'll be back again someday”, but that’s just feeding the poor, impressionable kiddies the wrong idea. If you’re going to talk about morbid things at least tell the truth. That snowman is not coming back. Interestingly enough, would an undead snowman be a ghost or a zombie? You ponder that while I hope that your Christmas spirit is not too zapped.


1. “He knows if you’ve been bad or good”- Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You knew this was going to come up. This song is the creepy Christmas anthem. But there is just something beyond “he sees you when you’re sleeping” creepy buried in here. That suggests a passive pervert, an old guy who watches kids at night, but knowing the children’s every action is something much more nefarious. It is round the clock following and observation. Who wants their children to live in constant fear of disturbed bearded men? They need to be prepared for the real world right?

Now that you feel the need to go throw ornaments at puppies, please enjoy this kitten

Also, a lovely Christmas song: Christmas Cancan

A small ornament of a Goat is a tradition Christmas decoration in Sweden